Friday, December 18, 2015

they don't make scholarships for me

My math professor was saying to a classmate that companies more and more won't hire people who had a 4.0 GPA.

That those who had a 4.0 GPA are conformists. They don't challenge authority to make improvements to the system. They go with it. They're sheep, followers, 1984, doing what they're told.

That morning, I was stressing over final exams wondering if I'd make my 4.0 GPA. Wondering if I'd keep my school-given scholarship because of grades. I was thinking about how my sweetheart and I would live in an apartment at all if we had to pay for my school too.

But that's just because they don't make scholarships for me.

When I say "they", I mean all the groups and brotherhoods and corporations and and .coms and .govs and .orgs whose charitable works involve paying for their future patrons' educations. I mean the national honor societies, the groups of recognition, the kindly rich folks who give and give. They don't make scholarships for me.

I'm a woman, I'm studying physics, but the thing is, my future in science and innovation and furthering humankind deals less with government-sponsored projects and state-college research papers and more to do with nurturing children and driving a minivan and making dinner and supporting my husband. My husband's future is making money to put bacon on the table and give us a roof over their heads. They don't make scholarships for us.

They don't make scholarships for the 40-hour "part-time" worker who sacrifices his grades and gets Cs in all his classes to work enough minimum-wage hours to afford rent because the company won't give him benefits. They don't make scholarships for the women who write about their goals to inspire their own children to achieve anything. They don't make scholarships because they think we are average, mediocre, and a bad investment.

They don't make scholarships for me because my alms in secret don't qualify when they ask for all the service I've done in front of others' eyes. They don't make scholarships for me because my education is for inspiration and not for making them rich and famous. They don't make scholarships because I'm not a sheep, because I'm not a follower, because I know where my worth lies and I know I don't need to be rich and famous and I know I don't need to spend my life on a single math problem and die miserable because I never figured it out and got my Nobel prize.

I know who I am, and I know why I'm here. I am getting my education because I want my children to know that whatever they want to achieve in their life is doable. I want my children to know that they are never too small, too silly, too slow, and absolutely never too stupid to make their dreams reality. I want them to know that I never gave up what I stood for, that they always came first, and that they are my greatest accomplishment. If I someday get to teach high school science, then I will teach those young men and women the same things I taught my own. Their worth has nothing to do with their grades, and it has nothing to do with what other people see them as. It has everything to do with who they are, and they are absolutely beautiful children of an almighty and all-loving Father in Heaven.

They don't make scholarships for me, but I don't need them at all.

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