Thursday, June 25, 2015

achieving mediocrity

I got a 72% on my exam.

Oh, the joy I felt when I got that test back. First, shock. Then, my eyes got a little bit watery. I passed. I passed. I was honestly hoping for at least a D. But I passed!

When I took that exam, I was cool as a cucumber. But then I finished all the stuff I knew how to do, and panic ensued. See, my coping mechanism for any emotional event, good or bad, is to cry. It just happens. I got it from both parents. It's a struggle. It's normal for me, but when you see someone else cry, you immediately go "HOLD UP. What is wrong. What is hurting you little flower." At least, I do. People just react, that's all. And I don't typically want people to react; I'm trying to get myself to stop reacting so I can proceed. But here I am, getting all sniffly and teary eyed, sitting directly in front of my professor. He's standing at the computer, I'm sitting right in front of him, and a couple of times, I could feel his eyes burning into my sad pathetic-looking sniffling soul.

But I made it, and I got a 72. A 72!

Anyway, so this class is super difficult, yes? Well, I have the convenience of having an English class, so I'm writing essays every week, essentially, and I work the completely inconsistent cashier job in retail. Some days get a little tricky. Tuesday, I had my regular 4.5 hours of school. I had an hour to eat lunch, change, and go to work. 4 hours of work. I had one more hour, and then I was picking up a friend who I had felt inspired to bring with me to go to the temple. I have institute class Wednesday nights and this Thursday night I had to visit with someone over some important stuff. And with the temple schedule only having open baptistry Tuesday through Thursday at 8 PM, Tuesday was my only chance.

That was the day we learned about arc length and surface area of rotated objects. Not too different from volume of solids of revolution, but different enough, and with these "Chucked up" problems as my professor (named Chuck, mind you) and other students call them, I have to do plenty of homework problems to prepare myself. I almost didn't go to the temple to do baptisms. I almost texted that girl to cancel. I almost stayed home to do some dumb homework problems. But I knew I had to go. The blessings of temple work are always so incredible. Temple attendance has healed me in my deepest hurts. The peace I feel there is powerful. It's my home. So I went. And I did no homework problems on that lovely Tuesday.

Wednesday came around, and I was prepared to score my third 2/10 on the daily homework quiz. The lights shut off in the building, and since we're in the one room without windows, we had to search around for a room with enough ambient light. By the time we got there and learned about mass and hydrostatic force (which was pretty easy thanks to my awesome physics teacher from high school), and quiz time came at the end of class, my professor just turned to us and asked, "Do you guys want to take a group quiz?" A girl in my group knew exactly what to do on the problem, and I got a full 10/10 on that quiz. The blessings of the temple are real.

I was going to talk about how wicked cool hyperbolic functions are, but looking at the length of this entry, I'll save it for next week. We're learning more about them, and hopefully I'll better understand some of it. Euler's number (e) is so fascinating, but I don't really know how the dude got it, or why it works in the natural world so much and why it's literally everywhere. I'm learning the language of gods. I'm in the very beginning of it, and never in this lifetime will I know it all, but it's amazing.

As a final note, NASA named a star "Nasty 1" and I think that's just dandy.

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