## Friday, March 11, 2016

### the confidence proportionality constant

The time spent in a physics or math class is directly proportional to the decrease in confidence levels.
The level of physics or math class (100, 200, 300, 400) is also directly proportional to this.
For example:

This is a 200 level class, physics 220. You should see the steepness of the curve for math 316.

Given the steepness of that curve, my confidence levels in my usage of the term "directly proportional" is at about 17%. I haven't slept enough in weeks, so don't judge me.

But seriously. I have found that the more a person is educated, the more they realize they don't know a single darn thing at all. I had this conversation with Ben the other day. He never lets me go far without telling me that I'm intelligent, which is much needed when you spend hours upon hours in classes realizing how little you understand at all. Magnets? How do they work? I'd go ask my professors for help, but what do I ask? I don't even know what I don't know. I might go tell them that anyway, and see if they can offer anything to me. They're all so kind here. Except that one jerk I had for a foundations class semester. What a buttmunch. But I digress.

I'm getting married in 4 weeks, so that's grand. Can't wait. I'm giving a talk on Sunday. Kinda feel the same way about both: a little excited, kinda nervous, no idea how to make either of them really work. But my confidence level in my marriage is already 200%. It's an attempt to make up for the -4700% confidence I have in my classes at the moment, but it's something.

See, having confidence in a marriage is an absolute must. There are laws that govern a successful relationship, I've found. Basic ones permeate through all relationships: be faithful, respond to your partner according to their love languages, choose your love and love your choice. More specific ones are tuned to the two partners; some people have trust issues or damages from other people that require amending the basic love laws. I think the most important law governing relationships is to eliminate the word "divorce" from the dictionary.

I'm not talking about abusive relationships or anything like that. There are times where someone is seriously damaged by their spouse and there are times when it is necessary to end things.

My confidence level is so high because I've spent a year and a half getting to know Ben. We spent time broken up and we know now that life apart like that is life not worth living. My "long" engagement (Rexburg eye-roll) has taught me about marriage on its own. For example, one law that governs most relationships is "never go to bed angry" (or early, if you have preggo-brain when writing me marriage advice). For Ben and I, mostly for myself, I have to go to bed angry sometimes. I get so worked up over silly things and I just need to go to bed, wake up, and wonder what the big deal even was. I'm grateful that I got to figure that out while I still had to sleep in my own bed in my own apartment, personal time away from my honey to wake up and realize I'm a dork.

Anyway, I kinda just started writing and a blog post about marriage came forth. It's a bit of a hot topic for me at the moment, so I'm sorry. This probably isn't very well organized, but I'm an exhausted lazy busy student so I'm kind of sorry it's a hot mess but not really at the same time because this is some silly blog thing that I just kinda word spit on kind of but not really bi-weekly and I am sorry for this tacky run-on sentence. Tl;dr I'm as sorry as a Canadian.

Kinda hoping my confidence level will go back up a little before finals, but not gonna count on it. Send cookies and massages.